Archive for God

A Letter to Barbie

Posted in Christianity with tags , , , , on January 21, 2010 by julietsm

Dear Mother,

The anniversary of your death is approaching.  Would it surprise you to know that I still long for your love?  That if I still had your bed to crawl into and dream, I would do so, trying desperately to find some way to connect with you?  I know you didn’t want children, you really didn’t even want marriage, but your parents denied you access to the education you really wanted, and told you it was your duty in life to marry and reproduce.  Perhaps if you had the chance to develop as a person and become the educated woman you wanted to be, you would have eventually married and the children who were a burden to you would have been a blessing.

But that isn’t how it happened, is it?  I remember how you used to get drunk and heap abuse on me, how I wasn’t the blonde and blue eyed little girl you wanted.  I remember how you laughed at my love for God and told me I must be really foolish to believe in fairy tales…  But you know, Barbie, if not for this God you denied I would never have survived in this world.  After you died I was cast into a world of horrors that should have left me in a mental institute, curled up the fetal position…  However, due to the love of God I did survive.  But not without scars, many of which are there because I was never good enough for you, never pretty enough, never a good enough skater, never good enough period.  And the son you adored so much didn’t make it mum.  He died shortly after you did.  They called it cancer, but it was from a broken heart…  So the only legacy you left behind was me.

Me!  The child you never wanted!

I am a child of God, mother.  He has given me everything I needed to survive, and has always been faithful with His love for me, even when I let Him down.  He would never abandon me either, mum, despite that fact.  He is my Father and loves me and I love Him, and He has made your memory bearable to me now.

I am not a good person, mum.  I have a lot of problems.  But God is teaching me, something you never did.  …And He cares not that I look more like my Jewish father and not my beautiful blonde and blue and green-eyed mother.  He cares not that I could never be as beautiful as you were, Barbie.

You see, He looks where it counts; at the heart.  I don’t think you ever saw my heart.  I don’t think you were even aware that I had one.  And you know, despite your incredible physical beauty mother, you are now but dust.  I am not rubbing it in; I still and always will love you and there will always be a void in my heart where your love should have been.  But I do not hold it against you, mum, not at all.  I understand what your life was like, and I know that you suffered too.  My heart aches for you, mother.  Knowing that I will never have that love kills me!

Ah, but mother…  God is real.  God really loves me.  And so the life you gave me didn’t turn into utter ruin as it should have, even though I was cast out into the world like flying wreckage…  The bruises from your constant physical abuse have healed of course; but not the emotional scars that came from your emotional abuse.

Here is the good news, though.  I am still standing mother.  Oh sure, I fall down a lot, but God pulls me back up and sets me on my way again.  He never belittles me or tells me that I am not good enough, even though of course I am not.  It isn’t my own goodness, but that of my Saviour that has saved me…  I am so sorry that you never experienced God’s love.  And on the anniversary of your death I shall weep for you, mother.

But not having your love will not cripple me anymore.  I have a parent who is the Ultimate Parent, one who will never take his love away or cast me out.

I am so sorry, Barbie.  Things sure turned out a lot different than either one of us imagined, didn’t they?

It says in the Bible that He will, in the end, (or the beginning, I should say) wipe away every tear.  My guess is that when I am with God in eternity I will not have any memory of you at all, Barbie.  Because if I did, I could never get over all the pain of your not loving me, and especially the pain of knowing I will never see you again.

Good bye, Barbie.  I wish things could have been different, but that isn’t the way it played out.  As it turns out, your good-for-nothing daughter is the only one from the whole family (that I am aware of) who will be spending eternity with God.  Apparently mother, He took pity on the little girl who nobody loved, and is going to lavish His love on me forever.  I truly wish you could be there to experience it with me, mother, because I still love you.

But someday I will have no memory of you, so I grieve the loss of you now…  I am sorry that you couldn’t be with me in eternity with God when I finally arrive there, but you won’t.

So I cry for you now, mother.  I still cry for you.

Love,

The little girl you never wanted

I am Not an ‘Actor’.

Posted in Christianity, Reformed Doctrine with tags , , , , , on December 22, 2009 by julietsm

I have not been spending as much time on the internet as I once did.  There is a reason for this.  I have had my name maligned publically and secretly and the people who have done this to me know who they are.  I refuse to become hostile and bitter towards those who are doing their best to hurt me.

I can only say this: How do you do it?  How do you lie about me and try to hurt me when I have done nothing to you?

I can say in all honesty that I have never set out to hurt anyone, and would never do so.  There may have been people who I have taken off my list of friends and with whom I want nothing to do, but their retaliating by publically lying about me only reinforces that I did the right thing by so doing.

I am going to keep this short and sweet.  I love the brethren.  ALL OF THE BRETHREN.  On the other hand, I would be lying if I said that I like all of the brethren.  But I can honestly say that I wish no ill to any of you, and in fact I wish only the best for all of you.  I am not the sort of person that delights in seeing others suffer, nor would I ever be the cause of it, at least not knowingly.  There have been times when I had to hurt someone’s feelings, but I didn’t go behind their backs but dealt with it head on. 

…And for those of you who have believed lies that were told about me, all I can say is that my conscience is clear.  I haven’t ‘conspired’ against anyone.  I haven’t ‘spread lies’ about anyone.  And yet you write about me in your blogs, using my name, and charging me and finding me guilty of imagined crimes in your kangaroo courts?

Shame on you!

There is nothing hidden before God.  You should know that.

Sorry to have bored my readers with this when the vast majority of you are not those to whom this is addressed.  However, it has been bothering me because these people think nothing of trashing my name and accusing me of things that aren’t true.

Thank God He is always watching…  He has always protected me, always loved me, and always knows what is in my heart and mind.  And I can tell you, I do not hate anyone, including these people of whom I speak.  I am just saddened that professing Christians would act in such an unchristian manner.

I pray for them; I really do.

julietsm

*There is something wrong.  The last two articles I have written have a paragraph missing, and I have tried every way possible to fix the problem.  Please bear with me until I have figured out what is wrong.

Thanks.

For Those Who Claim They are without Sin

Posted in Christianity, Doctrines of Grace with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 26, 2009 by julietsm

17422-thumbnailHow dare anyone claim to be without sin.  Yet there are many who make this very claim, and tell the rest of us that we are without faith, are not saved, and do not know the Lord.

How dare they!

Anyone who has been called by God and drawn to Christ are aware that we must be ever-vigilant, that the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, and that sin can and often does flare up in us if we are not constantly on our guard against temptation.  If, when a person is saved they are made perfect, then why does our Lord continually warn us about false teachers, lest we be deceived by them?  Would Jesus have to warn us if we were truly perfect? 

“I have hidden Your Word in my heart, that I might not sin against you”.  (Psalms 119:11)

Why should we bother to hide His word in our heart since we are perfect now?  In fact, I guess that once you are born again you must have no need for God’s Word, so I guess we can dispense with the Bible reading altogether.  What would be the point?  We are just like our Lord now, and are without sin.  We may as well throw our Bibles away, they serve no useful purpose for us now.  

Have you any idea how arrogant and boastful that sounds?  Yet there are some of you (many) in fact, who have taken this stance on YouTube, and have even made videos concerning this very topic.  You claim that those of us who are not without sin are not saved.  Mind, it goes a lot deeper than that.  Openairpreacher called me a satanic wiccan and other things not fit to print.  Same thing with finalcall07, just two of the plethora of false teacher and heretics to be found on the internet.  Have these people failed to read and understand I John I:8,7?  “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins  and purify us from all unrighteousness.  If we claim we have not sinned,   we make Him out to be a liar and His word has no place in our lives.”  

How do they justify these Scriptures?    I can tell you this;  a person has to be blind not to see those Scripture verses and cringe if they have been going around boasting about being sinless.  Yet I confronted one of them with those verses, and instead of being convicted and admitting that they were wrong, they made up some convoluted story about how those verses were expressly for the “arrogant Calvinists that are not part of the body of Christ.  Those who believe in the sovereignty of God cannot be Christians!”  Don’t we believe, after all, that salvation is a work of God in us?  And isn’t it true that God may have made the sacrifice, but it is our WILL which either declines or chooses to be good little children?

No.  That is not true.  Our will is depraved, unless God called us to Himself we would never know Him.

When will they face that we are a FALLEN race?  We are not able to come to God of our own volition!  The Father must do a prevenient work in the soul of the believer to draw him to Christ.  If He did not do this, nobody would come to Christ!  NOBODY.  God grants us repentence.  It takes a good man to repent, but a good man wouldn’t need to repent.  Therefore God grants some to repentance; that is, His elect.

“When the Gentiles heard this, they were glad and honoured the Word of the Lord, and all who were appointed to eternal life believed.”                                                                                                    Acts 13:14

You see, people do not like the hard truths of Christianity, and so make a god after the imaginations of their own hearts.  Jesus said that those who stand for the truth stand with Him.  People who distort Scripture to mean what they want it to say actually oppose Christ, and cannot possibly love Him.  If you love the Lord, you will be irrisistably drawn to His Word and to Him.  You will accept the Word as it is written, and not put a spin on the things that you find unfair or hard to take.

There is something which we must believe.  God is perfect, and perfectly good.  And though there may be parts of the Bible that you feel must be wrong, you have to trust God and His justice and trust that He is perfect and perfectly good.  The longer we walk with Him, the more we realise that there is nothing in the Word that makes our God out to be anything other than that.  If we still believe that, then we also have to realise that as fallen people who are born evil, we are hardly in a position to determine that which is good anyway.  God says His ways are not our ways, and that our absolute best is as filthy rags to Him.  Mind you, once we are in Christ, He sees us differently.  Righteousness has been credited to our account.  Though we will strive for the rest of our lives to submit to God in every area of our lives, we are still going to fall short.

Thank God for Jesus Christ!

Please, young Christians, it is imperitive that you are grounded in the Word, that you do hide His Word in your hearts so that you might not sin against Him.  Do not take everything at face value, but be like the Bereans, and compare everything that a so-called Christian says and measure it against the Word of God.

There are an awful lot of wolves in sheep’s clothing out there.  There are a lot of false teachers out there.  There are a lot of people who profess to be Christians out there, but that does not make it so.

Your Bible is the most important possession you have.  You must read from the Word every day, and more, study it!  Jesus would not have given us all those warnings for nothing.  There are people who seek to harm you and your faith, and while nobody can ultimately cause you to fall away if you are truly His, we also must do everything to make our calling and election sure.  We must ‘work out our salvation with fear and trembling’.

May the God of all peace bless you to the fullest measure, and may He keep you until the Day of Christ Jesus.

“For by grace you have been saved by faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest any one should boast.”                                                                                                                                                 Ephesians 2:8.9

julietsm

Not All Men Will Be Saved

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on June 20, 2009 by julietsm

16365-bigthumbnailThere are some doctrines in the Bible which are difficult, nevertheless they are true.  “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.  “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Isaiah 55: 8,9

People find it distasteful that it says in the Word of God “In fact,, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood and without the shedding of blood there is no remission of sins”

Hebrews 9:22

As I go deeper and deeper into the point I am making, you are going to find that you will like what I am saying less and less.  Perhaps.  That all depends on whether or not you have learned to love the Truth.  There are many who profess Christ who do not love His Truth.  If you do not love the Truth, then I am afraid you do not love God, because they are One and the same.  God is Truth.  In fact, if you try to define truth without God you will have to abandon any efforts straight away, because there must be a standard by which you begin, an absolute cause, and that absolute cause and standard is the Word of God.  And the Word of God is God.  Remember?  In the beginning was the Word?  And the Word was with God and the Word was God?  Basic Christianity 101.

There are a good many people on the internet who like to argue the cause of Universalism.  They like to use a Scripture like John 3:16, and then throw away the hundreds of other Scriptures which do not support what is they think John 3:16 is saying.  It isn’t saying what they think it is saying anyway.  What it is saying is that God has so much love for His elect, His chosen people, that He sent His Son to die for them, taking their sins and dispensing with them so that He can give them eternal life with Him.  On what basis does God choose His people?  That is not given for man to know.  And yet so many people have argued with me that all men will be saved.  Let’s break it down…

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

The basic sense of the Greek word for the world meaning ‘an ornament’ is illustrated by the word ‘adornment’ (1 Peter 3:3)  While the NT uses it a total of 185 times, John had a particular fondness for this term, using it 78 times in his Gospel, 24 times in 1-3 John and 3 times in Revelation.  John gives it several shades of meaning, 1) the physical created universe, 2) humanity in general, 3) the invisible spiritual system of evil dominated by Satan and all that it offers in opposition to God, His Word, and His people. 

So which one of these uses did John have in mind when he wrote John 3:16?  He meant humanity in general.  But who, of those who fit the bill, will be saved?  Those who believe in Jesus Christ His only begotten Son.  Do you suppose that He is going to somehow forgo that clause because He is such a nice guy?  “I could never believe in a God who would send anyone to hell”.  Okay.  Fine.  Don’t.  You don’t believe in the God of the Bible anyway.  I could never believe in a God who writes a Bible and then doesn’t go by what He sets down in it.  Salvation is serious business.  If we cannot trust the Word of God then we can trust nothing.  As for me, I trust and believe in the Word of God 100%.  This means, however, that there will be some who perish because ‘they refused to love the truth’.  Please do not try to tell me that every single person you know believes in Jesus Christ as the Saviour of mankind. 

I remember just recently I was at a video forum where a person wrote to me “I have not read anything anywhere in Ephesians about the predestination of some to salvation.  I couldn’t believe it.  Can someone actually block certain words out of their minds when they read the Word of God?

“”Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.”

Ephesians 1:3:6

“And we know that all things work together for good with them that love God and are the called according to His purpose.  For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.  Morover whom He predestined, these He also called, whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.”

Romans 8:28-30

Okay, so now I know what comes next.  There are those of you who are going to tell me that everyone is saved, we are all predestined.  We are all the elect.  Sounds stupid, but okay.  I can point out Scripture that answers that too.  See, here is the problem.  You do not want to hear the truth.  If you do not wish to hear the truth it can only be because you are not saved.  If you are not saved, my reccomendation to you is to cry out to God to save you.  Admit that you are a piece of dirt, the most vile sinner who ever lived.  If you really believe that there may be hope for you.  If you do not believe that, I am afraid that until you do believe it there is no hope for you.  Self-righteousness is a sin that many people fall into, and it is deadly.  It keeps us from acknowledging the truth before God.  If you think you pass before God with the sin of self-righeousness and go skipping merrily into heaven you are mad.  God is holy.  Holy God cannot tolerate sin, which is why I told you at the outset that without the shedding of blood there can be no forgiveness of sin.  People have accused of God of being bloodthirsty, yet He is the One who paid the sin-debt for His people, so I am afraid you are wrong on that count.  And if you are someone who is saying that, then you are a God-hater and there is little hope for you either.

God loves His people.  And He enables us to love Him, because we are, by nature, God-haters.  We are by nature children of wrath.  But everything we need for salvation is given to us, as a gift.  Those who do not have the gift do not understand this, and are trying to earn it.  It cannot be earned.  It can only be given.  That is why you have such hostility for we have the gift.  You think we think we are better.  We do not think we are better, in fact we know we aren’t better!

My recommendation to you is to cry out to God.  Admit to Him just how wretched you are.  Do you think you are wretched?  See, you can’t just work up a few tears and pretend you think you are awful.  You must know that you are.  Do you know that you are a bad person?  Do you know just how depraved you are today?  Listen, if you need for me to quote you some more Scriptures for you before you are willing to believe that not everyone is going to be saved, I will be happy to do so.  I really don’t think that is the problem though.  I honestly don’t think you understand just how depraved and vile and sinful and hateful and horrible you are.  

But don’t worry.  If you are a child of God, He will make sure you do understand.  You aren’t going to have much fun going through that part, but whatever it takes to get you there, He will do it.

Please understand my motivation for writing this article.  There are many of you who are God’s elect out there who do not yet know it.  You are resisting God’s truth out of stubbornness or for any number of reasons.  I keep thinking of Blanche DuBoise in ‘A Streetcar Named Desire” saying “Don’t!  Don’t hang back with the brutes!”  Yes, it sounds over-the-top but this is serious stuff, there is nothing more serious than the salvation of souls.  My heart will give me no rest knowing that there are people out there who do not yet know the Lord Jesus Christ.  I truly do love my neighbor as myself, or at least I do as much as I am able, and every day I am learning to do it more and more.  The one thing I do care about is that those who belong to the Saviour get to know Him sooner rather than later.  The sooner we get to know our Lord the sooner we can begin our Christian walk and the sooner we can start producing fruit.  There is so much hate in this wretched world then if for no other reason I want to see as many come to Christ as soon as possible.  And among professing Christians I see so much hatred I am appalled!  Can these truly be Christians?  I am continually shocked by the number of Christians who daily call me a ‘satanist’, ‘witch’, and told I am ‘not saved’ because of a difference in doctrine.  And then there are those who claim to be without sin.  Oh, those really kill me.  Though we are saved, we will never stop sinning in this lifetime, never.  The root of sin is so deep that it will never be fully excised, not in this life.

I pray that everyone who reads this article is saved, either already or that they do come to Christ.  I pray that if they have been behaving in a manner unbefitting one who professes Christ, that would immediately stop; I pray that those who have been blinded by false doctrines will be enlightened to the truth…  I pray that those who are deluding themselves will cease and desist immediately!

I pray, Father, that your will be done in everyone’s life and that You are Glorified in All Things.

 

julietsm

Thought for Today: Tuesday, March 10

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on March 10, 2009 by julietsm

17940-bigthumbnail“I am the vine, and you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit.  Apart from Me you can do nothing”

John 15:5

I see people walking around every day that look as though they are alive, but they really aren’t.  The best way I can describe their condition is by comparing them to a branch which has been cut off from a tree.  When you first see the branch, the leaves are still green and it looks to be alive, but since it has been cut off from the source of life it will eventually whither and die.  Come back in a week, and you will see the leaves have turned brown and fallen off, and the branch appears to be dead.  It was dead the moment it was cut off from the tree!  We come into this world, and we are already dead.  The only thing that can give us life is Christ, because there is life in Him and in Him only.  Unless you have become a child of God and have been grafted back onto the vine, you are dead.

People say that “death is just a part of life”.  If that were so, why are we so afraid of it?  Why do we greive and mourn when someone we love dies?  Because death is unnatural, it was never meant to be “a part of life” and  in fact it is an abomination.  That is why we are so instictively horrified by it.  Yet unless one is born again into God’s family, we are dead and nothing and nobody can bring the dead to life except for God, who can do all things.

As you go about your day today, think about what miracle has been wrought in we who believe…we have been given life and that eternal.  And we know that this is purely graciousness on the part of God.  We have been rebels and sinners all, and no matter what we try to do on our own, we can never take away our own uncleanness.  Who can make that which is filthy clean again?  Our Lord Jesus Christ died so that by His blood we can be made clean again!

I encourage you to read John 15 in its entirety today, and to meditate on all that Jesus died to give us.  To be forgiven is one thing, but to be made alive with Christ and his co-heirs no less: that is too good to be true!  And yet true it is, if you are a branch on the vine of Life, the sustainer and creator of all things: the Lord Jesus Christ; you are a co-heir of our Lord, and our inheritance is an eternal one.

Our Father gives not as the world gives, and our wondrous resurrection from the dead can never be taken away from us, because we have been sealed with the Holy Spirit and belong to our Father, who will never let go of us.  Let us live and conduct ourselves in this world as though just passing through…and though it is right and proper that we should do good while we are here to bring glory to God, let us never forget that we are no longer dead, but alive forever, with the Lord and His people.  We are on the way to our true home, where we will no longer be corrupted by the ravages of time and sin and the flesh.

Let us meditate on these things and offer our praises to God, for the wonderful gift of life which we have received.  Let us strive to bring honour to the name of Christ and be grateful for the most precious gift that one can ever receive.

julietsm

Remembering Barbie

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on March 8, 2009 by julietsm

24836-thumbnailShe clearly remembered her mother’s bed in the old house on Avalon Drive.  Not that she had ever been permitted to sleep in it.  Barbie was certainly adamant about that.  No matter that Juliet suffered from terrible nightmares about the death camps in Nazi Germany.

…And the irony of that was definitely not lost on Barbie, either, since her ex-husband was a self-loathing Jew who denied being Jewish.  She remembered how he used to joke with her (only it was no joke) that he wanted to wear a pin which read  “No, its a German name.  I am not Jewish.”  Which was laughable, considering his name.  David Abraham Schwartz!  Of course, upon meeting people he didn’t exactly announce his middle name or anything, and if nosy people pushed, he gifted himself with the middle name of Alexander.  Having delusions of grandeur to begin with, the name Alexander and its connotations  fit in quite nicely with all of his many contrivances.

Back to the bed, which is, after all, a big part of the story.  The point is that Juliet would never have given it a second thought if not for something profound that had occured there, which she had only recently remembered.  After all, we have already established that she had never slept in it, not the way most most little girls who had horrific nightmares would most assuredly have been permitted by their single moms.  ( Allowing of course, that said little girls were loved by their mothers.)  Juliet liked to lie in Barbie’s unmade bed after her mother had gone for the day, snuggling into the pillows that smelled of Shalimar and stale tobacco smoke.  Barbie’s very distintive odor…The headboard of the bed was a bookcase, and Juliet still remembered some of the titles all those years later.  “Is Paris Burning”, “Naked Came I” and of course, The Holy Bible.  Juliet secretly called it “My Father’s Book”.

One day Juliet was lying in Barbie’s bed daydreaming, and all at once she had a very clear image in her mind of the woman she would someday be.  Strangely, she felt betrayed by that woman, because she doubted very much that she would remember the acutely lonely and sad little girl who used to creep into her mother’s room and daydream in her bed.  So she sent a message into the future: shot it like an arrow through time.  “Remember the little girl you left behind.  Don’t forget who you used to be.”

Oddly enough she had only just recently remembered the little girl and her message.  She was happy that she had not betrayed herself and let the little girl she carried around inside her, (the little girl who was still in there too deep to ever dislodge) down.  She started thinking really hard about the details.  Mind, there was something unforgettable about her experience.  She remembered one particular day, the aftermath of a truly horrifying nightmare she had the night before still clinging to her…she had gone into the room and sat on the bed, the dust motes dancing in the shafts of light streaking though the blinds.  Remember, she had never known her father David, and had no idea he was Hebrew.  For another, Barbie had no idea just what a focused and brilliant little girl she had.  Juliet was a world her mother had never visited; she knew nothing about her own child’s sleeplesness…Very often Juliet would would not sleep for days at a time, so after Barbie left she would crawl into her mother’s bed, seeking comfort in her absense.  She would hear the birds singing outside the window; she could smell the flowers that Barbie had planted in the garden that had just bloomed, and occasionally when it was very still, she could hear the bees buzzing around them…And all of these gifts from God would sometimes permit her to find the sleep that so often eluded her.

One day she was dreaming of a very old man with long white hair and a long white beard who was with a little boy.  He said to her in the dream “This is my little boy.   God gave him to my wife and I in our very old age.  Did you know that you are my daughter too?”  Juliet woke up with a start, still picturing the ancient bearded man who told her strange things.  She picked up the Bible and began reading.  She read all the way through Genesis, and all at once everything clicked in her mind.  Abraham was the old man in the dream!  And Juliet was surely one of those descendants that would have been more numerous than the sands of the sea or the stars in the sky…She knew that this was a life altering experience.  For as long as she could remember she had spoken to God most intimately, and now she knew that her Father was affirming His reality to her.    She knew she would never be the same, because her Father had spoken so clearly to her!  For the longest time Juliet had thought that everyone was a child of God, and that everyone spoke to Him and loved Him.  The first time she had asked Barbie to take her to church she was stunned by the response.  “Juliet, you are Jewish, and Jewish girls do not go to church”.  This was news to her.  This was the first time there was any mention of being Jewish.  In fact, when the children picked on her and called her ugly names she would tell them she was German, and that there were lots of German people with that name.

Juliet winced as Barbie lit one of her Pall Malls, twisting one into the cigaret holder that she always used.  (Juliet loathed cigaret smoke and Barbie knew it.  Very often she would light a cigaret to get her daughter to leave the room.)   “Uh, mother?  I have been thinking about what you said, and I have no idea why you never told me before that I am Jewish.  But I would very much like to go to Temple.”  Barbie dragged deeply on the cigaret, exhaling the the smoke in a steady stream right in her daughter’s face.   She looked at her as though she were an insect under a microscope.  “From where are you getting these bizarre notions?  There is no God, and there will be no attendance of any religious institution by anyone in this house, rest assured.  I mean, since God is a fantasy that weak-minded people made up, people, I might add, that can’t handle life, well that would make any kind of church or temple attendance awfully stupid wouldn’t it?  Barbie turned away so that Juliet saw her profile.  She marvelled that such a beautiful woman could be so vaccuous and cold.  She could not recall having ever received any warmth or affection from this woman.  She saw her mother as one to whom she owed respect…and she cried into her pillow night after night to muffle the sound of her sobs.  She knew that if Barbie ever heard, she would either ignore it or come into her room to investigate.  She also knew that if she were ever to give a name to her sobs, it would be met with denial and disdain by her mother.  She knew clearly that Barbie did not love her, she knew that in fact she was barely tolerated.  When her mother drank, which was all the time, she was brutally honest.  She said terribly cruel things, at least that which was intelligable.  In spite of her mother’s deliberate cruelty,   Juliet longed for her love, ached for it, cried out to God for it.  Barbie did not love her daughter, that much was clear.  One night Juliet whispered into the darkness from her bed, in the middle of the night when she could not sleep “Father?  How could I come from a family of people like this?  Surely I don’t belong with these people?”  God whispered back to her “You are not a member of this family.  You are a member of my Family.

“I do believe in God, mother.  It would not be pointless for me to attend church or temple.”    Barbie leaned over to tap the ash of her cigaret.  “You really don’t know what you believe, do you?  How could you, after all, at your age?  For one thing, Jews reject Christ.  You didn’t even know that, did you?  Hmmmm?”

Juliet blushed, lowered her eyes and smoothed her dress.  “Well how could I mother?  Most of the other children’s parents allow them religious instruction  I have never received any.  So naturally I don’t know any theology!”   Barbie’s eyes widened.  She threw her head back and laughed raucously.  “Now that…”  She could barely speak, she was laughing so hard.  “Theology?  That sounds absurd coming from a…how old are you?”  Barbie’s laughter trailed off and finally stopped.  She examined her little girl, raising an eyebrow.  Juliet was stung.  She fought back her tears.  “I am almost five, mother.” 

“Well what a solemn little thing you are!  At your age, you shouldn’t even be thinking about God.  And most kids would be singing hosannas that they didn’t have to be made to suffer through a church service or a bible study.  You really are very strange, Juliet.  Have you any idea how weird you are?”  Barbie crushed out her cigaret, flipping her long platinum blonde hair behind her shoulders.

Juliet cringed.  Not again!  Being called strange and odd and weird by all of the other children was bad enough, but being so called by her own mother was unbearable!  Wide eyed, she looked at her mother.  Barbie had a faraway look in her eyes and was obviously thinking about something else.  “Yes, mother.  I have a pretty good idea just how strange I am.  Like mother, like daughter.”  Her daughter’s words didn’t penetrate her at first.  Juliet could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall.  All at once, Barbie jerked and and her eyes narrowed to slits.  She studied her daughter for a moment.  She practically spat out the words “Oh no you don’t.  I was popular.  When I was in high school I was not only the Class president but the Prom Queen as well!  Don’t you dare ever compare your odd little self to me!  You don’t fit in anywhere!  The other kids don’t like you.”  She leaned in closer to Juliet…”Now why do you suppose that is?”  Barbie snatched her Pall Malls off the table, and screwing one into the black enamel holder with the gold trim, she gave Juliet a a self-satisfied smile.  “Hmmm?”  She lit the cigaret with a slim gold lighter, inhaled deeply, and settled back into the sofa.

“Mom, you can say what you like.  But there are plenty of ways to be weird.  Trying to make something as gross as smoking look elegant is weird.  Rejecting your own daughter isn’t exactly the norm either, is it?  But weirder than that is that you are so smug and self-satisfied and…well, arrogant!”  Juliet bit her lower lip.  “Because you can’t even keep a man,  Barbara!”  She emphasised her mother’s name, saying it as though it were a dirty word.

Barbie’s hand shot out and slapped her daughter so quickly that Juliet didn’t see it coming.  She reached up and felt her cheek, red and stinging wher Barbie’s handprint was still visible on her face.  Juliet got up from the floor, where she had been sitting at her mother’s feet.  While she was fumbling to get up, Barbie grabbed a handful of Juliet’s hair and jerked her head back, so that her face was just inches above hers.   “Go and make your mother a drink”, she hissed from between clenched teeth.  She let go of her hair and shoved her head so it hit the coffee table, opening a gash in her forehead.  Blood ran down her face, dripping on the coffee table and the white shag rug.  “Beautiful, Juliet.  See what you made me do?  I’ll make my own drink and you…you clean up this mess!  If that rug is stained you’re going to be meeting that precious ‘God’ of yours a lot sooner than you had planned!  Barbie stood up, smoothing her powder blue cashmere sweater over her hips.  She muttered under her breath “That God-damned girl is good for nothing!”  She went to the bar and made herself a vodka and tonic, which she called because she splashed tonic water over vodka.  She drank it down in one gulp and made herself another one.  She noticed that Juliet appeared to be frozen.  Barbie pointed at her with the ice tongs “If you think I am angry now, Just let that blood settle in and stain the rug.  Go and get the hydrogen peroxide!”  (Apparently getting blood stains out of things was old hat for her.)   Juliet still had fresh blood pouring down her face.  “And little girl, if I have to take you for stitches you are going to wish you were never born!”

Juliet took a mental snapshot of her mother.  She was standing at the bar, ice tongs in hand, pointing them at her.  Barbie, with her long blonde hair, perfectly made up and beautiful face, powder blue turtle-neck sweater, (just tight enough to show off her gorgeous figure), white mini skirt and go go boots…she looked like a model with her long legs and perfect body.  Juliet thought to herself that her mother was quite possibly the ugliest woman she had ever seen.

julietsm

Fatima’s Love Letter

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on February 15, 2009 by julietsm

 

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCH9jdaME0o&feature=PlayList&p=BC867C3ACC738747&index=17

 Watch the video at Youtube

 

 

 

 

1295_270” May the Lord Jesus guide you, Oh Muslims
And enlighten your hearts that you might love others
The forum does not revile the Master of the prophets
It is for the display of truth, and for you it was revealed
This is the truth which you do not know
What we profess are the words of the Master of the prophets
We do not worship the cross, and we are not possessed
We worship the Lord Jesus, the Light of the worlds

We left Mohammed, and we do not follow in his path
We followed Jesus Christ, the Clear Truth
Truly, we love our homeland, and we are not traitors
We take pride that we are Saudi citizens
How could we betray our homeland, our dear people?
How could we, when for death – for Saudi Arabia – we stand ready?
The homeland of my grandfathers, their glories, and odes – for it I am writing
And we say, “We are proud, proud, proud to be Saudis”
We chose our way, the way of the rightly guided
And every man is free to choose any religion
Be content to leave us to ourselves to be believers in Jesus
Let us live in grace before our time comes
There are tears on my cheek, and Oh! the heart is sad
To those who become Christians, how you are so cruel!
And the Messiah says, “Blessed are the Persecuted”
And we for the sake of Christ all things bear
What is it to you that we are infidels?
You do not enter our graves, as if with us buried
Enough – your swords do not concern me, not evil nor disgrace
Your threats do not trouble me, and we are not afraid
And by God, I am unto death a Christian – Verily
I cry for what passed by, of a sad life

I was far from the Lord Jesus for many years
Oh History record! and bear witness, Oh Witnesses!
We are Christians – in the path of Christ we tread
Take from me this word, and note it well
You see, Jesus is my Lord, and He is the Best of protectors
I advise you to pity yourself, to clap your hands in mourning
See your look of ugly hatred
Man is brother to man, Oh learned ones
Where is the humanity, the love, and where are you?
As to my last words, I pray to the Lord of the worlds
Jesus the Messiah, the Light of Clear Guidance
That He change notions, and set the scales of justice aright –

And that He spread love among you, Oh Muslims.”

                                                                                            

 

 

Very beautiful letter, isn’t it?  I think if you understand the conditions under which this letter was written it may have more meaning for you.

Fatima was a 26 year old former Muslim girl who gave everything for her newfound Saviour.  In fact, she gave her very life.  When she told her family, I can only imagine with horror the events that led up to her brother cutting out her tongue.  She was then locked in her room where she wrote these last words on her laptop.  When they came to get her, it was to take her to her death, where she was burned alive.  Burned alive because she loved the Lord Jesus Christ.  The one that so many of you like to call “a fairy tale”. 

Last time I checked, nobody gave their lives for the Three Little Pigs.  Or Sleeping Beauty.  Although that is how I like to think of Fatima now, like  sleeping beauty.  However, I am romanticising there, because she is not asleep.  She is now with the Saviour, glorified and perfected for all eternity.

For all of you out there who like to leave your nasty little remarks and call us names and do all the dreadful little things you like to do, I present to you Fatima Al-Mutairi.  A martyr for the Christian Faith.    A young lady who was not afraid to give her very life for The Lord Jesus Christ.

As Jesus hung on the cross, he said “Forgive them Father, they know not what they do.”   

As Fatima awaited her death, she wrote a love letter to the very ones who were to kill her.

Do we believe in some “Sky Wizard”?

I believe that Fatima could answer that for you, but she is otherwise occupied right now.

julietsm